Charmaine Champ: Continence Sleep and Understanding Emotions Consultant, Clear Steps Consultancy
For many families "potty training" can feel like a milestone, with a deadline. But, when supporting an autistic child, it is often better understood, when we shift from potty "training" to toilet "learning".
Learning to use the toilet, is not just a skill. Its a process that involves the body, the brain, emotions, sensory experiences, routines and trust. It isn't about just one skill, sitting. Viewing toileting in this way helps us as parents understand and share support in a way that is right for our individual children.
I share "our" children, because yes, I am writing this as a Continence Sleep and Understanding Emotions Consultant for over thirty years, but I'm also a Mum first and foremost, living in a neurodivergent household. This means I understand both personally and professionally and why a shift in wording and understanding can make all the difference for progressing.
From "training" to "learning"
Training suggests something we do "to" our child. Whereas learning recognises something we do "with" our children to help them understand.
Toilet learning is about helping our children:
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Understand their body signals
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Feel safe and regulated enough to let go of wees and poos
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Build predictable routines
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Develop confidence over time
Autistic children are all individual. Some children can experience:
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Differences with their interoceptive sense. Interoception is one of the eight senses that enable our children to "feel" when they need a poo or a wee, drink when they are thirsty and eat when they are hungry.
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Sensory sensitivities around the toilet area, bathroom and or wiping can become overwhelming.
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Anxiety around transitions, from an activity to using the toilet, to changes or uncertainty
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A nervous system that needs a little more support to feel regulated and safe.
Inside before outside:
A helpful way to think about toileting is considering it through an "inside" first and outside second.
When considering inside, we are focusing upon what is happening inside our childrens body and their nervous system. Whereas outside, is considering the environment.
A child's inside body, can directly influence their ability to recognise, understand and respond to wee and poo messages, through the "gut brain connection". So, before we focus on sitting on the potty, toilet, or using underwear, we start by supporting what's happening inside our childrens body. This means we can start at any age and at any stage of development and do not need to wait until our children "tell us" that they need to use the toilet.
Starting with the inside: three practical foundations to help
Here are three gentle places to begin helping your autistic child with their toileting.
1. Get to know your child's poo patterns.
Start by, noticing:
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What time of day your child usually poos
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Whether its after meals, after school, or before bed
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How often do they go
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What the poo looks like, hard, soft, large, small, easy to pass
This isn't about judgement, its about individualising toileting for your child, because gathering this information about your child's poo patterns, helps you anticipate when your child's body is ready, enables you to choose times to support sitting on the toilet, identify any poo difficulties or holding on and reduces any pressure and guessing.
This is about working with your child's body, making everything easier for your child to recognise when a poo needs to be passed.
2. Support drinking
What goes into the body, influences what comes out. Many children struggle to notice thirst cues, avoid drinking because of the taste, temperature or sensory preferences, or drink a lot at once instead of regular separate drinks
Gentle support with drinking might look like:
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Offering drinks regularly throughout the day
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Using preferred cups, straws, bottles
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Being specific about what the aim is i.e. drinking to the line
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Flavouring water, if preferred
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Linking drinks to routines (after waking, with snacks, after school, before bath)
Encouraging drinking and being able to drink can help your child's poo be softer, wees passed more comfortably, and helps your child be aware when to use the toilet.
3. Regulate mealtimes
The gut, is one tube that starts at the mouth, working its way to the stomach, small intestine, large bowel, rectum, and loves and thrives on a routine (just like our children).
Regular meals help:
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Trigger the natural "gastro colic reflex", the body's signal to poo after eating
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Creates more predictable poo times
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Reduces poo discomfort
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Enables toilet opportunities to be planed around your individual child's needs
This isn't about rigid, stressful schedules, its about predictable rhythms that help your child's body know what to expect.
A Holistic PEE & Poo Approach
Toilet learning isn't just about sitting on the potty, toilet or wearing underwear. Toileting is about:
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Gut Health
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Nervous system regulation
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body awareness
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trust and predictability
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And so much more!
When we support our whole child, progress follows and can last.
There is no "its too late" or "they should by now". There is only your child's nervous system, and body. The three practical tips shared here within this blog can help with both of these!
Toilet learning with our autistic children is a journey of understanding, adjusting, supporting and celebrating small wins along the way that build into big changes and toileting progress.
This is why at Clear Steps Consultancy I developed the: Holistic PEE & Poo Approach to make a meaningful difference for our children.
The holistic PEE & Poo Approach is about looking deeper with our children, if potty or toileting is not going to plan, at what's really happening underneath any toileting challenges that you may be seeing, so our children can build true body awareness, confidence and real toileting learning.
If you would like to start toileting and would like a little help with the three practical tips shared, you are welcome to view our FREE download called: Where to start in getting the PEE & Poo in the loo. Click here: FREE Download
Toileting progress is all about the PEE & Poo:
Further help and support is available within our online support group, where families just like yours share ideas, access our library of easy to follow and fun activities and meet with me LIVE twice a month to help at every stage of the toilet journey, to get those wees and poos in the loo in a way that's right for your individual child. For further information about our group support, click here: Group Support
Together we can help your child and you as a family in progressing with toilet. You don't have to do this alone.
